You may be thinking that it’s too early for an MLB preview, but you forget that February and March exist in the sports world to get fans excited for baseball season!
NEW YORK YANKEES: No team made a bigger splash this offseason than the Yankees. Between their incredible spending, Joe Torre’s “The Yankee Years” and A-Rod’s steroid ordeal, the Bronx Bombers have found themselves in the headlines of sports sections for months now.
Considering how much talent the Yankees had last year, their team was a mess. They were too busy worrying about how to win both last year and five years from now that they didn’t commit fully enough to either to win at all. Had they traded Phil Hughes for Johan Santana, last year may (and probably would) have turned out better.
This off-season, the Yankees showed how badly they want to win right now. Adding CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett to an already decent rotation gives the Yankees a formidable five-man rotation now of Sabathia, Burnett, Chien-Ming Wang, Andy Pettitte and Joba Chamberlain. The front four in this rotation allows the Yankees, if they’d prefer, to move Joba to the bullpen and plug in a wild card fifth starter (like Hughes). Considering how many wins the first four should rack up, anything they’d get from their fifth starter would be gravy.
As though adding two front-end starting pitchers to the team wasn’t enough, the Yankees also bolstered their (already dominant) lineup with Mark Teixeira. Teixeira was everything they needed in a first baseman – young, a great defender and a good hitter. Landing him also meant other teams (most notably the Red Sox) fell short, which only further improves the signing.
The biggest question as far as the Yankees are concerned is how all of these stars will mesh. The Yankees were truly greatest when everyone on the team played selfless baseball and were able to put the team ahead of personal stats. If this combination of immense talent can put the team first, there’s no reason to think the Yankees can’t make a splash this year.
Look for them to make the playoffs. To actually succeed this year, though, they will need to play better team baseball when it matters most.
BOSTON RED SOX: Regardless of everything the Red Sox have going against them – an aging rotation, a hurting superstar – they still have a lot in their favor. The team boasts one of the best (if not THE best) closers in the game (Jonathan Papelbon), the defending American League MVP (Dustin Pedroia) and some of the best young pitching talent out there.
The Red Sox may have the best rotation in the league. If everything goes well for them, they have the potential for four dominant starters – Josh Beckett, John Smoltz, Daisuke Matsuzaka and Jon Lester. Like the Yankees, the strength of their big four does not require that the fifth rotation slot be solidified. Between Clay Buchholz, Brad Penny and Tim Wakefield, chances are that Boston will have someone to step up and give the team many quality starts in that fifth hole.
Of all their pitchers, Lester has the most promise. After completing his miraculous return from lymphoma, Lester not only started in the final game of the 2007 World Series but also threw a no-hitter this past May. Considering that he just turned 25, he has only begun to start his development.
Lester and fellow youngster Pedroia will be the faces of the franchise for years to come. Their growing talents, combined with a fearless Papelbon and a strong lineup featuring guys like Kevin Youkilis and Jacoby Ellsbury, will make the Red Sox a force in the AL East both this year and in years to come.
However, the Red Sox have more question marks than the Yankees. Will Ortiz manage to stay healthy and dominant for a full season? Will Jason Bay produce enough to make teams want to pitch to Ortiz? How will their rotation hold up?
The Red Sox have more than enough talent to easily overtake the Yankees in the AL East. However, between the questions surrounding the Red Sox and the motivation the Yankees will feel after missing the playoffs last year, Boston will find it hard to win the division this year. Look for them to make a push for – and probably get – the Wild Card.
TAMPA BAY RAYS – They made the World Series last year. They have immense young talent. How can they finish third in the division?
Last year’s incredible turnaround from every other year in the history of their franchise was definitely unexpected. However, once people began looking at the job Joe Maddon was doing with his team, the outcome had a definite correlation with the hard work and all-around team effort that his team put out there.
This year, the Rays have to prove that last season was not a fluke. The team is talented enough to do this, but now teams will be gunning for them. Rather than seeing a series against Tampa Bay as an opportunity to take things slow, the rest of the league will amp up and try to tackle the best team in the American League from last season.
Can they do it? Sure. Will they do it? That’s another question. It’s hard to ask any team to win a pennant in back to back seasons. Combine that pressure with how young the Rays are and it may be too much for Tampa Bay to handle right now.
Without a doubt, the Rays have the best foundation for future success in the AL East. The same can probably be said about the American League as a whole, and potentially even the entirety of Major League Baseball. However, much of that success will come when everyone on the team develops the talent they all possess. Though that may not happen this season, it won’t be long before they are the cream of the crop in the American League.
Whether or not they are able to repeat as AL Champions, they will yet again be a fun team to watch. As though they didn’t have enough young talent, the team is adding phenom David Price to their rotation. After posting a 1.93 ERA in 14 innings last season, he bettered those numbers by registering a 1.59 ERA in just under six postseason innings.
Between Price and the rest of the Rays, look for Tampa Bay to play tough, competitive baseball this year. Barring a complete recession from last season, they should at least be able to compete with the Red Sox for the Wild Card, and maybe even with the Yankees for the division crown.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS – Considering the fact that the Blue Jays’ biggest news this off-season was losing Burnett to the Yankees, it should come as no real surprise that they might struggle in 2009.
The Blue Jays have never been bad in recent years. From 2005 through 2008, they’ve been a combined 24 games over .500 while playing in one of the toughest – if not the toughest – divisions in the league.
Their rotation is probably the strongest element of their team. Bolstered by perennial All-Star Roy Halladay, the Blue Jays also have very solid two and three starters in Jesse Litsch and Shaun Marcum.
The team also boasts a strong outfield anchored by Vernon Wells and Alex Rios. Both of these guys are five-tool players (meaning they can hit for power, hit for average, run, field well and thro well) and give Toronto one of the league’s stronger outfields. The biggest question here is whether or not Vernon Wells will be able to stay healthy. He missed 54 games last season, most due to a leg injury, and recently re-aggravated that injury in Spring Training.
If Wells can stay healthy and if their rotation can remain strong, the Blue Jays should be able to string together another respectable campaign. However, based on an overall lack of talent and considering the difficult division they find themselves in, it would be unreasonable to expect anything better than a fourth-place finish for Toronto in 2009.
BALTIMORE ORIOLES – The Orioles don’t have a whole lot going for them. One of their big goals this off-season was to land Teixeira, but that didn’t work out.
There are diamonds in the rough on this team, however. Most notably, they signed outfielder Nick Markakis to a six-year, $66.1 million extension, effectively making him the face of the franchise.
Their bullpen should also be improved in 2009 as they welcome back Chris Ray, who missed all of 2008 after undergoing Tommy John surgery in August 2007. Teaming Ray with All-Star George Sherrill should strengthen the Orioles’ end-game and help ensure that any leads they are handed will remain as such.
The name to watch this year, however, is Matt Wieters. Wieters, like Ryan Braun two years ago and Evan Longoria last season, will be an early-season call up and will take over for Gregg Zaun at catcher sooner rather than later. Listed as the top-ranked prospect on Baseball America’s Top 100 Prospects List, Wieters will make an immediate impact when he is called up.
If Baltimore wants to make a serious run at the division any time soon, though, they will need to surround Wieters and Markakis with more talent. As things stand now, the Orioles will probably find themselves as cellar-dwellers yet again.
2.26.2009
2.22.2009
Why Am I Crazy?
I’m currently participating in two great undertakings, one of which I chronicled already on this blog. The one that I’ve mentioned is my movie list – I came up with a list of 160 movies that I wanted to see (way back in November 2007) and I’m currently down to 10 to go.
The other one seemed equally daunting but has actually gone far quicker – listen to my entire music library. Back this past June, I started out on track 1 of 7400+. My goal was to complete the library in one year; I think I calculated that if I averaged 25 tracks a day (a reasonable goal) I would finish in roughly one full year.
I sorted my music library by album title and started going. From …And Justice for All through (currently) Unleashed in the East, things have been going well. I knew from the start that if I bought a new album that I had already passed in the playlist, I’d go back and listen to it.
What I DIDN’T anticipate was adding over 2200 new tracks (and the eight new albums I’ve gotten in the last week or so doesn’t help).
Anyway, I’m on track 8927 of currently 9620 right now (with four more albums to add and listen to). I’ve obviously exceeded my 25 tracks per day goal, but it’s still taken me over eight months to get here. I hope to have it done by the end of April, which is kind of now the goal for the movie list as well.
If anyone is interested in checking out the music listening I’ve done lately, check out my last.fm (and if you’re reading this and have a last.fm and you’re not already friends with me, friend me!):
http://www.last.fm/user/soulpopped
The other one seemed equally daunting but has actually gone far quicker – listen to my entire music library. Back this past June, I started out on track 1 of 7400+. My goal was to complete the library in one year; I think I calculated that if I averaged 25 tracks a day (a reasonable goal) I would finish in roughly one full year.
I sorted my music library by album title and started going. From …And Justice for All through (currently) Unleashed in the East, things have been going well. I knew from the start that if I bought a new album that I had already passed in the playlist, I’d go back and listen to it.
What I DIDN’T anticipate was adding over 2200 new tracks (and the eight new albums I’ve gotten in the last week or so doesn’t help).
Anyway, I’m on track 8927 of currently 9620 right now (with four more albums to add and listen to). I’ve obviously exceeded my 25 tracks per day goal, but it’s still taken me over eight months to get here. I hope to have it done by the end of April, which is kind of now the goal for the movie list as well.
If anyone is interested in checking out the music listening I’ve done lately, check out my last.fm (and if you’re reading this and have a last.fm and you’re not already friends with me, friend me!):
http://www.last.fm/user/soulpopped
2.18.2009
Rise Up to the King's Throne
The Slam Dunk Contest has lost its step over the past few years.
Sure, there have been incredible dunks in recent years. Who could forget Jason Richardson defending his 2002 title with his insane toss-between-the-legs-one-handed-over-his-head dunk in 2003?What about Steve Nash’s header – off a backboard pass, no less – to Amaré Stoudemire in what may have been the coolest teammate help ever? Or, the next year, in 2006, Andre Iguodala dunking off a pass from behind the backboard?
However, despite these incredible (and immensely creative) dunks over the past few seasons, you would have to go back to 2000 and the Vince Carter Show to find the last dominant performance by a single player.
What has happened in recent years? It’s hard to say. Nate Robinson and Dwight Howard have won three of the past four years (Gerald Green won in 2007), but each relies on gimmicky approaches to the contest. Though still impressive in every sense of the word, Nate Robinson merely tries to jump over someone taller each year. Dwight Howard, on the other hand, continually re-iterates how high he can dunk and continually reverts to dunking on a twelve-foot rim – or marking his freakish athletic ability with a sticker more than halfway up the backboard.
Next year, though, things may change. After years of saying he would not compete – most likely for fear of losing – LeBron James has announced that he will partake in the Slam Dunk Contest. Arguably the biggest name in the league, LeBron may be exactly what the league names to bring excitement back to the event.
Up through Vince Carter’s legendary performance, I remember eagerly waiting for the Slam Dunk Contest and being amazed by the participants’ creativity and ability. However, the magic just isn’t there any more. Part of it can be attributed to the fact that with each passing year, less and less original dunks are out there, but that shouldn’t be enough to take the fun out of what should be the most original way for NBA players to show off.
LeBron’s entry would be a definite step in the right direction. However, in order for the event to reach its full potential, a rival would need to step up and challenge him.
Imagine how much fun it would be to see a “Best Of” Slam Dunk Contest, featuring LeBron, Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter and Josh Smith. More than anything else, getting big names would drum up excitement and get people to care about the event once again.
Whether or not someone will step up and challenge “the King” remains to be seen. As far as the NBA and its fans are concerned, though, nothing would be better for the sport or more entertaining. Will someone please challenge LeBron’s throne?
Sure, there have been incredible dunks in recent years. Who could forget Jason Richardson defending his 2002 title with his insane toss-between-the-legs-one-handed-over-his-head dunk in 2003?What about Steve Nash’s header – off a backboard pass, no less – to Amaré Stoudemire in what may have been the coolest teammate help ever? Or, the next year, in 2006, Andre Iguodala dunking off a pass from behind the backboard?
However, despite these incredible (and immensely creative) dunks over the past few seasons, you would have to go back to 2000 and the Vince Carter Show to find the last dominant performance by a single player.
What has happened in recent years? It’s hard to say. Nate Robinson and Dwight Howard have won three of the past four years (Gerald Green won in 2007), but each relies on gimmicky approaches to the contest. Though still impressive in every sense of the word, Nate Robinson merely tries to jump over someone taller each year. Dwight Howard, on the other hand, continually re-iterates how high he can dunk and continually reverts to dunking on a twelve-foot rim – or marking his freakish athletic ability with a sticker more than halfway up the backboard.
Next year, though, things may change. After years of saying he would not compete – most likely for fear of losing – LeBron James has announced that he will partake in the Slam Dunk Contest. Arguably the biggest name in the league, LeBron may be exactly what the league names to bring excitement back to the event.
Up through Vince Carter’s legendary performance, I remember eagerly waiting for the Slam Dunk Contest and being amazed by the participants’ creativity and ability. However, the magic just isn’t there any more. Part of it can be attributed to the fact that with each passing year, less and less original dunks are out there, but that shouldn’t be enough to take the fun out of what should be the most original way for NBA players to show off.
LeBron’s entry would be a definite step in the right direction. However, in order for the event to reach its full potential, a rival would need to step up and challenge him.
Imagine how much fun it would be to see a “Best Of” Slam Dunk Contest, featuring LeBron, Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter and Josh Smith. More than anything else, getting big names would drum up excitement and get people to care about the event once again.
Whether or not someone will step up and challenge “the King” remains to be seen. As far as the NBA and its fans are concerned, though, nothing would be better for the sport or more entertaining. Will someone please challenge LeBron’s throne?
2.12.2009
Where has the Buddy Cop Flick Gone?
The 1980s seem like they were a great time. Though I was technically born in the 80s, I don’t actually have memories of them so I must resort to looking at them through movies, music and popular culture.
As far as music goes, it’s my favorite decade. There are two HUGE realms of music that I love both of from that time – 80s pop and 80s metal – and it seems like there’s a never-ending supply of good music. Compare that to today where there’s only a handful of artists I’m really enthusiastic about and the case gets even stronger for the 80s. Nostalgia 1, Modernity 0.
Though that’s great and all, I think the real strength of the 80s was the cheesy-yet-incredible filmmaking. It was truly the peak of both high school screwball comedies and buddy cop movies and the world is a better place for it.
You may be wondering what prompted this sudden stint of nostalgia. This past summer, I think it all started after I watched the Back to the Future series on three consecutive nights. I realized how awesome like everything in that movie was and it made me wish I had been around for it to come out in theaters.
However, most recently, the movie that made me wish I grew up 20 years ago was Tango & Cash. Though not a “good” movie by any means, it is one of the best “good bad” movies I’ve ever seen (for more information, see the entry from Saturday, February 7th). I’m not sure how easy it would be to make another movie that is this corny, this over-the-top, and this awesome all at the same time. Aside from the writing and the action and all that, you have Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone IN THEIR PRIMES as a fantastic on-screen duo. Cinema doesn’t get better.
Watching it with friends, nearly every scene we came across we would say, “There’s no way this can get any better. (What just happened) was the coolest and most awesome thing ever!” Then, without failing, the next scene each time would blow the previous scene out of the water. It was incredible and it made me happy on the inside.
There will never be a movie like this made today. First of all, I don’t know if there are two super cool action stars that would be up for such a role. Second of all, and more importantly, the stuff that would come out today that would be written in a similar fashion would just be dumb. There’s a fine line between making something that’s enjoyably over-the-top / awesomely bad and something that just is painful to watch. I fear that if this happened today that one of the two actors would be Vin Diesel.
Enough said. That would be terrible.
As far as music goes, it’s my favorite decade. There are two HUGE realms of music that I love both of from that time – 80s pop and 80s metal – and it seems like there’s a never-ending supply of good music. Compare that to today where there’s only a handful of artists I’m really enthusiastic about and the case gets even stronger for the 80s. Nostalgia 1, Modernity 0.
Though that’s great and all, I think the real strength of the 80s was the cheesy-yet-incredible filmmaking. It was truly the peak of both high school screwball comedies and buddy cop movies and the world is a better place for it.
You may be wondering what prompted this sudden stint of nostalgia. This past summer, I think it all started after I watched the Back to the Future series on three consecutive nights. I realized how awesome like everything in that movie was and it made me wish I had been around for it to come out in theaters.
However, most recently, the movie that made me wish I grew up 20 years ago was Tango & Cash. Though not a “good” movie by any means, it is one of the best “good bad” movies I’ve ever seen (for more information, see the entry from Saturday, February 7th). I’m not sure how easy it would be to make another movie that is this corny, this over-the-top, and this awesome all at the same time. Aside from the writing and the action and all that, you have Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone IN THEIR PRIMES as a fantastic on-screen duo. Cinema doesn’t get better.
Watching it with friends, nearly every scene we came across we would say, “There’s no way this can get any better. (What just happened) was the coolest and most awesome thing ever!” Then, without failing, the next scene each time would blow the previous scene out of the water. It was incredible and it made me happy on the inside.
There will never be a movie like this made today. First of all, I don’t know if there are two super cool action stars that would be up for such a role. Second of all, and more importantly, the stuff that would come out today that would be written in a similar fashion would just be dumb. There’s a fine line between making something that’s enjoyably over-the-top / awesomely bad and something that just is painful to watch. I fear that if this happened today that one of the two actors would be Vin Diesel.
Enough said. That would be terrible.
2.11.2009
A lightning ROD of controversy
Love him or hate him, Alex Rodriguez was supposed to give Major League Baseball a clean slate. He was the one looked to who was going to bring purity and meaning back to the most hallowed career number in baseball – 762* (or 755, if you prefer). A-Rod was five good years away from passing Barry Bonds and re-capturing the title as someone who deserved it.
Now he’ll be lumped into the same class as Barry Bonds forever.
In case you missed it, Sports Illustrated published a report showing that A-Rod took performance enhancing drugs (PED) back in 2001-2003, during a time he felt “tremendous pressure to perform” and live up to his new 10-year, $252 million contract. His positive tests occurred at a time when there were no repercussions in place and Rodriguez will not be punished for any of his illegal actions. At least, not by Major League Baseball; fans may not let him off the hook that easily.
Since Rodriguez entered the major leagues, he was seen as an immensely talented golden boy that everyone could love. From his early days on the Mariners with Ken Griffey Jr. to his three-year stint in Texas to his current run in New York, he was the player that you could hate because he was a little too good. Everything seemed easy for him and he was compiling gaudy numbers at a record-breaking pace. He even became the fastest player to ever reach the 500 career home run mark when he did so in the 2007 season.
However, now he has (at least) three years tarnished in his career – three years where he hit a total of 156 home runs and won an MVP trophy for the last place Texas Rangers.
If those years were stricken from the record books, A-Rod would be left with 397 career home runs and a 33-year-old body. If he were to break Barry Bonds’s career mark, he’d have to average over 40 home runs per year for the remainder of his newest 10-year deal. Though no one would put it past A-Rod to accomplish such a feat, he has failed to reach that mark in three of the past five seasons, tallying totals of 36 (in 2004), 35 (2006) and 35 again (2008).
A-Rod’s immense talent was overshadowed only by the constant controversies he found himself immersed in. Whether it was him slapping a ball from Jason Varitek’s glove; calling, “Mine!” against the Blue Jays, causing a pop-up to drop; his wife’s profane shirt; or the Madonna saga, Rodriguez has continually found himself in the news for all the wrong reasons.
This latest A-Rod drama may be perhaps the most serious of all, though, and the one he can’t charm his way out of. He did what Miguel Tejada and Mark McGwire never did – he admitted his use, which is the first act to his fans’ acceptance. Though apologizing is not enough to erase his transgressions or remove the tainted association fans will have of him, it is a definite step in the right direction.
The biggest question that remains, though, is what will happen when he (inevitably) breaks the home run record. How will the Yankees feel, considering the $30 million bonus in Rodriguez’s contract if he breaks the record in pinstripes? Will Major League Baseball – and, more importantly, its fans – respond with a warmer reception than the one they gave Bonds?
If fans and MLB place an asterisk next to his name, as they’ve done with Bonds, McGwire and company, the player with perhaps the greatest chance to break Rodriguez’s eventual record will be Albert Pujols (currently 29 years old with 319 career home runs). Or, perhaps further down the road, maybe someone like the Reds’ Jay Bruce (who hit 21 home runs in his rookie campaign last year) will eclipse all records.
Only time will tell. Maybe the best way for Rodriguez to win over Yankees fans’ hearts is to don a World Series ring come November.
Now he’ll be lumped into the same class as Barry Bonds forever.
In case you missed it, Sports Illustrated published a report showing that A-Rod took performance enhancing drugs (PED) back in 2001-2003, during a time he felt “tremendous pressure to perform” and live up to his new 10-year, $252 million contract. His positive tests occurred at a time when there were no repercussions in place and Rodriguez will not be punished for any of his illegal actions. At least, not by Major League Baseball; fans may not let him off the hook that easily.
Since Rodriguez entered the major leagues, he was seen as an immensely talented golden boy that everyone could love. From his early days on the Mariners with Ken Griffey Jr. to his three-year stint in Texas to his current run in New York, he was the player that you could hate because he was a little too good. Everything seemed easy for him and he was compiling gaudy numbers at a record-breaking pace. He even became the fastest player to ever reach the 500 career home run mark when he did so in the 2007 season.
However, now he has (at least) three years tarnished in his career – three years where he hit a total of 156 home runs and won an MVP trophy for the last place Texas Rangers.
If those years were stricken from the record books, A-Rod would be left with 397 career home runs and a 33-year-old body. If he were to break Barry Bonds’s career mark, he’d have to average over 40 home runs per year for the remainder of his newest 10-year deal. Though no one would put it past A-Rod to accomplish such a feat, he has failed to reach that mark in three of the past five seasons, tallying totals of 36 (in 2004), 35 (2006) and 35 again (2008).
A-Rod’s immense talent was overshadowed only by the constant controversies he found himself immersed in. Whether it was him slapping a ball from Jason Varitek’s glove; calling, “Mine!” against the Blue Jays, causing a pop-up to drop; his wife’s profane shirt; or the Madonna saga, Rodriguez has continually found himself in the news for all the wrong reasons.
This latest A-Rod drama may be perhaps the most serious of all, though, and the one he can’t charm his way out of. He did what Miguel Tejada and Mark McGwire never did – he admitted his use, which is the first act to his fans’ acceptance. Though apologizing is not enough to erase his transgressions or remove the tainted association fans will have of him, it is a definite step in the right direction.
The biggest question that remains, though, is what will happen when he (inevitably) breaks the home run record. How will the Yankees feel, considering the $30 million bonus in Rodriguez’s contract if he breaks the record in pinstripes? Will Major League Baseball – and, more importantly, its fans – respond with a warmer reception than the one they gave Bonds?
If fans and MLB place an asterisk next to his name, as they’ve done with Bonds, McGwire and company, the player with perhaps the greatest chance to break Rodriguez’s eventual record will be Albert Pujols (currently 29 years old with 319 career home runs). Or, perhaps further down the road, maybe someone like the Reds’ Jay Bruce (who hit 21 home runs in his rookie campaign last year) will eclipse all records.
Only time will tell. Maybe the best way for Rodriguez to win over Yankees fans’ hearts is to don a World Series ring come November.
2.10.2009
Birth of a Salesman
Writing for Publication prompt: "A door-to-door salesman meets an unusual client."
Contrary to popular belief, the door-to-door-sales industry is not dead in today’s world. In fact, some even argue that the business is more alive than ever; it’s just a matter of knowing where to look. After years of facing rejection after rejection, one door slammed in their face after another, door-to-door salesmen have gotten better at their craft. They’ve learned how to mask their trade. That man from the local phone company “checking your lines” each month? Salesman. Jehovah’s witness? Salesman. The devil is in the details.
Herbert Ferlito came out of “the academy” with a mission to bring respectability back to the door-to-door-sales business. This line of work had been in his family for three generations, dating all the way back to his great-grandfather Horace Ferlito (who peddled phone books before society deemed they should be free). Herbert felt it would be a great disservice to his family’s storied heritage if he were to end the door-to-door tradition, regardless of how poorly the line of work had been looked upon in recent times.
He had done a good job of it recently. Today’s door-to-door bosses have low sales standards and nearly every sale is treated as icing on the cake; generally speaking, they feel that the salesmen are there to plant the seed in the minds of the prospective consumers. The technological age has empowered customers to do their own shopping rather than having people tell them what they should buy. Today’s consumers want to feel as though it was their idea to purchase the product.
Herbert had a tough time accomplishing this goal because of his product: patio furniture. With such a big investment, it was hard to get many consumers to even listen to his approach, let alone commit to a purchase. Herbert was dedicated, though, and had experienced tremendous (albeit sporadic) success in his nine weeks on the job. He had sold three complete sets and accented close to two dozen other units with at least one item.
Each home he visited presented him with a unique and new challenge. No two homeowners were the same and no two families liked to lounge on their patios in exactly the same way. Herbert liked to see how quickly he could determine each family’s ideal patio usage and use that information to his advantage.
Every Sunday night, Herbert would get the town he would be traveling to for the upcoming week. The report would have the streets on which he’d travel each day, with time enough allotted for precisely one-third of the houses. If he needed more time on a street (if more than one-third of the residents invited him in, for instance) he noted it in his travel log. Though his bosses liked him to spread the company’s message to as many homes as he could, they realized that getting inside a house was half the battle and were consequently approving of his need for more time.
With today being Thursday, Herbert was nearing the end of this week’s visits. It had been a rather slow week (he sold only two chairs) but Herbert didn’t mind. He loved his job in both feast and famine, which he felt meant that he was in the right line of work. As the day winded down, he noted that he had only three houses remaining before he could call it a day (regardless of his dedication and passion for his job, he enjoyed relaxation as much as anyone else).
The first two families he visited did not let him inside, though they did so politely. With only one final house to visit before heading back to the Holiday Inn he was checked into, he rang the doorbell and waited for a response.
An elderly man who Herbert recognized but could not place opened the door. “Hello sir,” the elderly man said. “What can I do for you?”
“Good afternoon, sir. My name is Herbert Ferlito and I am employed by Pat’s Patio Furniture Emporium and Warehouse. Might you have a minute to discuss the wonderful opportunities and family memories a Pat’s Patio Furniture set could provide?”
“Yes my son,” the older man said. “You may enter.”
Herbert walked into the man’s home and was led to his couch. As the man went into his kitchen to prepare a pitcher of wine, Herbert looked around the man’s room. Featured prominently on the western wall was a four foot by six foot oil painting of Christ crucified on the cross. Slightly taken aback (yet intrigued by the man’s devotion), Herbert continued his visual perusal of the man’s décor. The sparsely furnished room was decorated only with the oil painting and an accompanying staff leaning in one of the room’s corners.
The older man returned with a pitcher and a plate of crackers. Herbert was surprised as the man’s formal greeting and snack choice, but he had seen far more unusual things in his time as a salesman.
“Now sir,” Herbert said. “What are you looking…”
“Please,” the man said. “Call me Benedict.”
“Alright. So, Benedict, what are you looking for in a patio set?”
“Ideally,” Benedict responded, “I’d like something that allows me to appreciate God’s glorious sunshine each and every day. There is truly nothing more special to me than admiring and taking in the glory that is all around us each day.”
The man’s facial features were becoming more and more recognizable to Herbert with each passing moment. Herbert was experiencing more powerful déjà vu than he had ever before in his life. Not one to believe in superstitious phenomenon like déjà vu, Herbert couldn’t shake the sense that he was missing something about who this man was.
“That can definitely be arranged,” Herbert said. “Many of our comfortable – and affordable – sets come without a canopy or table umbrella. If you ever change your mind, though, you should know that those pieces are also very affordable and easily installed.”
“Excellent,” Benedict said. “Now I must tell you, I don’t spend all my time here. This is actually my niece’s house. I spend most of my time at my residence overseas.”
“Oh really?” Herbert asked. “Where might that be?”
“Oh.” Benedict paused. “Vatican City.”
Contrary to popular belief, the door-to-door-sales industry is not dead in today’s world. In fact, some even argue that the business is more alive than ever; it’s just a matter of knowing where to look. After years of facing rejection after rejection, one door slammed in their face after another, door-to-door salesmen have gotten better at their craft. They’ve learned how to mask their trade. That man from the local phone company “checking your lines” each month? Salesman. Jehovah’s witness? Salesman. The devil is in the details.
Herbert Ferlito came out of “the academy” with a mission to bring respectability back to the door-to-door-sales business. This line of work had been in his family for three generations, dating all the way back to his great-grandfather Horace Ferlito (who peddled phone books before society deemed they should be free). Herbert felt it would be a great disservice to his family’s storied heritage if he were to end the door-to-door tradition, regardless of how poorly the line of work had been looked upon in recent times.
He had done a good job of it recently. Today’s door-to-door bosses have low sales standards and nearly every sale is treated as icing on the cake; generally speaking, they feel that the salesmen are there to plant the seed in the minds of the prospective consumers. The technological age has empowered customers to do their own shopping rather than having people tell them what they should buy. Today’s consumers want to feel as though it was their idea to purchase the product.
Herbert had a tough time accomplishing this goal because of his product: patio furniture. With such a big investment, it was hard to get many consumers to even listen to his approach, let alone commit to a purchase. Herbert was dedicated, though, and had experienced tremendous (albeit sporadic) success in his nine weeks on the job. He had sold three complete sets and accented close to two dozen other units with at least one item.
Each home he visited presented him with a unique and new challenge. No two homeowners were the same and no two families liked to lounge on their patios in exactly the same way. Herbert liked to see how quickly he could determine each family’s ideal patio usage and use that information to his advantage.
Every Sunday night, Herbert would get the town he would be traveling to for the upcoming week. The report would have the streets on which he’d travel each day, with time enough allotted for precisely one-third of the houses. If he needed more time on a street (if more than one-third of the residents invited him in, for instance) he noted it in his travel log. Though his bosses liked him to spread the company’s message to as many homes as he could, they realized that getting inside a house was half the battle and were consequently approving of his need for more time.
With today being Thursday, Herbert was nearing the end of this week’s visits. It had been a rather slow week (he sold only two chairs) but Herbert didn’t mind. He loved his job in both feast and famine, which he felt meant that he was in the right line of work. As the day winded down, he noted that he had only three houses remaining before he could call it a day (regardless of his dedication and passion for his job, he enjoyed relaxation as much as anyone else).
The first two families he visited did not let him inside, though they did so politely. With only one final house to visit before heading back to the Holiday Inn he was checked into, he rang the doorbell and waited for a response.
An elderly man who Herbert recognized but could not place opened the door. “Hello sir,” the elderly man said. “What can I do for you?”
“Good afternoon, sir. My name is Herbert Ferlito and I am employed by Pat’s Patio Furniture Emporium and Warehouse. Might you have a minute to discuss the wonderful opportunities and family memories a Pat’s Patio Furniture set could provide?”
“Yes my son,” the older man said. “You may enter.”
Herbert walked into the man’s home and was led to his couch. As the man went into his kitchen to prepare a pitcher of wine, Herbert looked around the man’s room. Featured prominently on the western wall was a four foot by six foot oil painting of Christ crucified on the cross. Slightly taken aback (yet intrigued by the man’s devotion), Herbert continued his visual perusal of the man’s décor. The sparsely furnished room was decorated only with the oil painting and an accompanying staff leaning in one of the room’s corners.
The older man returned with a pitcher and a plate of crackers. Herbert was surprised as the man’s formal greeting and snack choice, but he had seen far more unusual things in his time as a salesman.
“Now sir,” Herbert said. “What are you looking…”
“Please,” the man said. “Call me Benedict.”
“Alright. So, Benedict, what are you looking for in a patio set?”
“Ideally,” Benedict responded, “I’d like something that allows me to appreciate God’s glorious sunshine each and every day. There is truly nothing more special to me than admiring and taking in the glory that is all around us each day.”
The man’s facial features were becoming more and more recognizable to Herbert with each passing moment. Herbert was experiencing more powerful déjà vu than he had ever before in his life. Not one to believe in superstitious phenomenon like déjà vu, Herbert couldn’t shake the sense that he was missing something about who this man was.
“That can definitely be arranged,” Herbert said. “Many of our comfortable – and affordable – sets come without a canopy or table umbrella. If you ever change your mind, though, you should know that those pieces are also very affordable and easily installed.”
“Excellent,” Benedict said. “Now I must tell you, I don’t spend all my time here. This is actually my niece’s house. I spend most of my time at my residence overseas.”
“Oh really?” Herbert asked. “Where might that be?”
“Oh.” Benedict paused. “Vatican City.”
2.07.2009
Good Bad vs Bad Bad
There are two very distinct types of bad movies: the good bad movies and the bad bad movies. A lot of people, including myself, love good bad movies, but no one likes bad bad movies. Let me explain.
This was all prompted by two movies I watched last week – In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and C.H.U.D. Neither of them are ever going to win an Academy Award, but one is far superior to the other.
We watched In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale because it looked big-budget bad and because behind The Love Guru, it was nominated for the most razzies (anti-Oscars) this year. Uwe Boll, the director, really knows how to make terrible movies, but not terrible in ways you want to see. Nothing about this movie was redeeming, which is why it’s only fitting that he’s winning the lifetime achievement award at the Razzies this year. This is the type of movie that if I was watching it alone, it wouldn’t have stayed on the television (and I hardly ever turn off movies); watching with friends allowed me to pick on anything and everything in the movie.
On the other hand, C.H.U.D. was bad in a phenomenally good way. This isn’t the best example for a good bad movie (because it wasn’t actually too bad hen the monsters weren’t on the screen) but it still serves the point. There are lots of movies and filmmakers out there who don’t necessarily set out to make a great movie… either that, or they fail so miserably at making a good movie that you think they were making a bad movie. I don’t think the people making C.H.U.D. had any expectations that people would take it seriously, which is why it worked so well. It’s a cult classic for a reason.
The growing trend in Hollywood these days is to remake classic horror movies from the 1980s. These are bad bad movies. There’s nothing good about them. There’s no substance, there’s no entertainment value, there’s nothing. I can only wish that people made good bad movies instead of these bad bad movies. Maybe that way I’d go see them.
I think a perfect example of a recent good bad movie (and by good I mean incredible) is Grindhouse. It’s currently my favorite movie of all time – it’s not by any means the best movie I’ve ever seen (personally I think that’s Pulp Fiction) but it’s the movie that I’d put on regardless of what else was on TV. Anyway, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino did a great job (in this case, Rodriguez more so) of making a movie where they took nothing seriously and put out a fantastically entertaining product. They weren’t trying to scare people (like new horror) and they weren’t going for awards – they were just having fun with it, and that’s why I love it.
This was all prompted by two movies I watched last week – In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and C.H.U.D. Neither of them are ever going to win an Academy Award, but one is far superior to the other.
We watched In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale because it looked big-budget bad and because behind The Love Guru, it was nominated for the most razzies (anti-Oscars) this year. Uwe Boll, the director, really knows how to make terrible movies, but not terrible in ways you want to see. Nothing about this movie was redeeming, which is why it’s only fitting that he’s winning the lifetime achievement award at the Razzies this year. This is the type of movie that if I was watching it alone, it wouldn’t have stayed on the television (and I hardly ever turn off movies); watching with friends allowed me to pick on anything and everything in the movie.
On the other hand, C.H.U.D. was bad in a phenomenally good way. This isn’t the best example for a good bad movie (because it wasn’t actually too bad hen the monsters weren’t on the screen) but it still serves the point. There are lots of movies and filmmakers out there who don’t necessarily set out to make a great movie… either that, or they fail so miserably at making a good movie that you think they were making a bad movie. I don’t think the people making C.H.U.D. had any expectations that people would take it seriously, which is why it worked so well. It’s a cult classic for a reason.
The growing trend in Hollywood these days is to remake classic horror movies from the 1980s. These are bad bad movies. There’s nothing good about them. There’s no substance, there’s no entertainment value, there’s nothing. I can only wish that people made good bad movies instead of these bad bad movies. Maybe that way I’d go see them.
I think a perfect example of a recent good bad movie (and by good I mean incredible) is Grindhouse. It’s currently my favorite movie of all time – it’s not by any means the best movie I’ve ever seen (personally I think that’s Pulp Fiction) but it’s the movie that I’d put on regardless of what else was on TV. Anyway, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino did a great job (in this case, Rodriguez more so) of making a movie where they took nothing seriously and put out a fantastically entertaining product. They weren’t trying to scare people (like new horror) and they weren’t going for awards – they were just having fun with it, and that’s why I love it.
2.06.2009
A Monster Martyr
(This was another writing prompt for Writing for Publication.)
I have a hard time being mean. Even in video games when you’re given the choice to be good or evil, I always inevitably opt for the “good” path. I’m not sure why, exactly, but I just don’t possess the necessary traits (or whatever) that would require me to be evil. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I really want to be liked by everyone I meet, and if you’re evil, the people who like you are few and far between (not to mention probably not the kind of crowd you’d want to be seen with!).
With that in mind, I think that it’d be impossible for me to be an “evil” monster. This prompt is (inevitably so) making me think of Monsters, Inc. and thinking about how monsters have a bad rep in today’s society. Too often they are characterized as a child’s worst enemy, when in fact there is a very distinct possibility that not all monsters are mean or, more likely, there is a spectrum / cross-sampling within the monster community that we find in the human race as well.
If I was going to design myself as a monster, then, I’d have to have a pleasant demeanor and appearance. I think that based on the bad rep I mentioned, if you’re a scary-looking monster, regardless of how kind or sweet you may be, you’re never going to get the light of day to show your softer side. I don’t think I’d want to be overly adorable because I feel that it would be hard to be taken seriously if you’re an adorable monster. I’d like to think that I could be a monster ambassador and help convince the world that not all monsters should be feared. It wouldn’t be easy to do that if the first reaction you get is “Awww…”
I think the first trait associated with being too cute is size. If you’re a tiny monster, you won’t appear to have any credibility or strength. Conversely, if you’re gigantic, you’re not going to be able to win over those intimidated by your overpowering appearance. There’s a “sweet spot” common ground, I feel, which would be somewhere in the three to five foot range. I think that’s big enough to show that you mean business yet small enough to remain likeable and not be instantly intimidating.
The ability to speak English is essential. I think it’s kind of assumed that if I’m going to be a monster ambassador, I’ll need to be able to communicate sophistically and not have to resort to drawing or miming.
I guess the bottom line is that while I’m a monster, I’m going to be as close to human as I can be. I think the big difference would be that my exterior would be vastly different – I’m assuming that I’d have bold-colored fur (right now, I’m thinking a red and orange mix) and other various monster-like attributes (claws, fangs, perhaps horns, who knows?). The only thing that I’d need to look out for is that I don’t want to be caught in a middle ground where I’m ostracized from both the monster and human communities. I can see that being a problem; regardless of how hard I try to improve monster-human relations, I’m not enough monster nor human to really be accepted by either.
I’d be willing to be a monster martyr, though, and be ostracized from both if I guaranteed future generations of monster children would play alongside human children. That would be nice.
I have a hard time being mean. Even in video games when you’re given the choice to be good or evil, I always inevitably opt for the “good” path. I’m not sure why, exactly, but I just don’t possess the necessary traits (or whatever) that would require me to be evil. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I really want to be liked by everyone I meet, and if you’re evil, the people who like you are few and far between (not to mention probably not the kind of crowd you’d want to be seen with!).
With that in mind, I think that it’d be impossible for me to be an “evil” monster. This prompt is (inevitably so) making me think of Monsters, Inc. and thinking about how monsters have a bad rep in today’s society. Too often they are characterized as a child’s worst enemy, when in fact there is a very distinct possibility that not all monsters are mean or, more likely, there is a spectrum / cross-sampling within the monster community that we find in the human race as well.
If I was going to design myself as a monster, then, I’d have to have a pleasant demeanor and appearance. I think that based on the bad rep I mentioned, if you’re a scary-looking monster, regardless of how kind or sweet you may be, you’re never going to get the light of day to show your softer side. I don’t think I’d want to be overly adorable because I feel that it would be hard to be taken seriously if you’re an adorable monster. I’d like to think that I could be a monster ambassador and help convince the world that not all monsters should be feared. It wouldn’t be easy to do that if the first reaction you get is “Awww…”
I think the first trait associated with being too cute is size. If you’re a tiny monster, you won’t appear to have any credibility or strength. Conversely, if you’re gigantic, you’re not going to be able to win over those intimidated by your overpowering appearance. There’s a “sweet spot” common ground, I feel, which would be somewhere in the three to five foot range. I think that’s big enough to show that you mean business yet small enough to remain likeable and not be instantly intimidating.
The ability to speak English is essential. I think it’s kind of assumed that if I’m going to be a monster ambassador, I’ll need to be able to communicate sophistically and not have to resort to drawing or miming.
I guess the bottom line is that while I’m a monster, I’m going to be as close to human as I can be. I think the big difference would be that my exterior would be vastly different – I’m assuming that I’d have bold-colored fur (right now, I’m thinking a red and orange mix) and other various monster-like attributes (claws, fangs, perhaps horns, who knows?). The only thing that I’d need to look out for is that I don’t want to be caught in a middle ground where I’m ostracized from both the monster and human communities. I can see that being a problem; regardless of how hard I try to improve monster-human relations, I’m not enough monster nor human to really be accepted by either.
I’d be willing to be a monster martyr, though, and be ostracized from both if I guaranteed future generations of monster children would play alongside human children. That would be nice.
2.01.2009
Santonio!
It was sometime in the NFC Championship game that I realized Larry Fitzgerald is the best receiver in football. He may not necessarily be the most physically gifted – Terrell Owens and Randy Moss probably have better raw talents – but he is the real deal. The combination of his immense talents and his incredible work ethic set him to another level, and he’s proven it in each game this postseason.
Everyone knew he was the player to watch heading into Super Bowl XLIII. The Steelers knew that if they were going to win, they were going to have to shut down Arizona’s passing attack, which meant they had to shut down Larry Fitzgerald. They did a good job of it in the first half, limiting him to one catch and 12 yards.
Then the second half started.
On the Cards’ second drive of the half, he caught passes for six, 18, and one yard, with the last coming for a touchdown on a catch where there was really no doubt he was coming down with it. Then, in the biggest situation of the season for the Cardinals, he turns a 10 yard slant route into a 64 yard gamebreaker.
Who would have thought he wasn’t going to be the game’s biggest receiver?
Santonio Holmes rightfully won the MVP by having four of the game’s biggest catches in a span of three minutes. First and 20, he picks up 14. Third and six, he gives the Steelers a first down and brings them within 25 yards or so of field goal range. Then he puts them at first and goal after an incredible 40 yard reception, and then seals the deal with a catch near Tyree’s level.
If that’s not what an MVP is, I don’t know how better to describe it.
Everyone knew he was the player to watch heading into Super Bowl XLIII. The Steelers knew that if they were going to win, they were going to have to shut down Arizona’s passing attack, which meant they had to shut down Larry Fitzgerald. They did a good job of it in the first half, limiting him to one catch and 12 yards.
Then the second half started.
On the Cards’ second drive of the half, he caught passes for six, 18, and one yard, with the last coming for a touchdown on a catch where there was really no doubt he was coming down with it. Then, in the biggest situation of the season for the Cardinals, he turns a 10 yard slant route into a 64 yard gamebreaker.
Who would have thought he wasn’t going to be the game’s biggest receiver?
Santonio Holmes rightfully won the MVP by having four of the game’s biggest catches in a span of three minutes. First and 20, he picks up 14. Third and six, he gives the Steelers a first down and brings them within 25 yards or so of field goal range. Then he puts them at first and goal after an incredible 40 yard reception, and then seals the deal with a catch near Tyree’s level.
If that’s not what an MVP is, I don’t know how better to describe it.
Soup or Bowl
I think the Steelers are going to win and Troy Polamalu is going to win the MVP trophy. I’m not entirely counting Arizona out of it, though; they’ve continually surprised me in each of the three games they played this postseason.
The over/under for this game is supposedly 47.5. The way I see it, picking the over or under basically depends on who you think is going to win. If the Steelers win with the over or the Cards win with the under, I will be unbelievably surprised. The bottom line in today’s game is whether or not the Cardinals offense is going to be able to overcome the Pittsburgh defense. They’ve done a good job in the first three games already, but the Steelers are in another class.
Polamalu and James Harrison are two of the best defenders in football. I’m really interested to see in how Dick LeBeau uses these two guys. Kurt Warner is phenomenal against the blitz, and I trust LeBeau is smart enough to realize that. I’d expect a lot of stunts and four-man rushes, so it’s really going to come down to whether or not Warner can figure out where Polamalu and Harrison are and try to keep it away from them.
Personally, I’d choose Ed Reed over Polamalu, but it’s not like I wouldn’t take either. Polamalu is a special player, and I’m interested in seeing him on the world’s biggest stage again.
Steelers 24, Cardinals 17.
The over/under for this game is supposedly 47.5. The way I see it, picking the over or under basically depends on who you think is going to win. If the Steelers win with the over or the Cards win with the under, I will be unbelievably surprised. The bottom line in today’s game is whether or not the Cardinals offense is going to be able to overcome the Pittsburgh defense. They’ve done a good job in the first three games already, but the Steelers are in another class.
Polamalu and James Harrison are two of the best defenders in football. I’m really interested to see in how Dick LeBeau uses these two guys. Kurt Warner is phenomenal against the blitz, and I trust LeBeau is smart enough to realize that. I’d expect a lot of stunts and four-man rushes, so it’s really going to come down to whether or not Warner can figure out where Polamalu and Harrison are and try to keep it away from them.
Personally, I’d choose Ed Reed over Polamalu, but it’s not like I wouldn’t take either. Polamalu is a special player, and I’m interested in seeing him on the world’s biggest stage again.
Steelers 24, Cardinals 17.
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